Unspoken Hesitation
by staticGrace
Summary: AU after Boston. Derek has acquired a roommate, causing conflicting emotions and amusing consequences.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Oh, bloody hell."

Derek surveyed his couch, there were several baskets of laundry tossed haphazardly onto it with no one in sight to fold them. And it wasn't going to be him. He did the dishes last night.

_Gods_. He was beginning to feel like a chorus boy in his own life.

"Do you make it a habit of leaving clothing just lying around the living room?" The grumpy director shouted up the stairs.

She bounded down said stairs with a lopsided grin. "I was getting ready to fold them when my Mom called, got distracted. Besides this place could use a more lived in feel."

"Yes, nothing like a stack of unfolded laundry to accomplish a lived in feel. And while I generally enjoy women's clothing laying about my home, I prefer to be the one taking them off." Derek replied dryly, but couldn't contain the smirk that appeared. "Karen, my home has never looked more lived in. As evidenced by the fresh flowers, dirty dishes always in the sink and leftovers in the fridge. Not to mention that god awful floral chair currently sitting in the corner of my office."

"An office you never use and it was the only piece of furniture I owned outright." She twisted her foot around the floor. "So there are no benefits to having me here?"

"I wouldn't say that." His eyes crinkled. "The home cooked meals are a definite advantage." He stepped closer with a smirk. "As is proximity."

Karen blushed slightly at this. Proximity to Derek was definitely becoming a problem. Reason being: she couldn't get enough.

If only Derek hadn't insisted on seeing her home the night the ensemble returned from Boston, they wouldn't even be in this situation. He did though and upon reaching her apartment they found several boxes outside the door, topped off with her makeup bag.

Derek's temper flared instantly, Karen knew he'd love nothing more than to throw a few punches Dev's way. He did have it coming after all, for several reasons. However, Karen calmly said she'd deal with it tomorrow and just find a motel for the night. She cried enough in Boston, she was done.

Rather stoically Derek took her by the elbow and headed back downstairs explaining that his star would not be staying in some dingy motel room when he had plenty of space.

And that is how they found themselves in this current predicament, going on a month.

She hadn't meant to stay so long. But Derek quite reasonably explained, after hiring a packing company to get all Karen's things, that it made sense being there was so little, to put it all at his place since he had two extra rooms, why pay for a storage unit? And then she could focus on finding an apartment.

The problem was there were no apartments in her price range and everyone she knew already had roommates.

Again, Derek wisely suggested that Karen should be saving her money for when one became available and not worry at the moment. Her focus should be on Bombshell. Karen relented and they swiftly grew into a somewhat domestically challenged routine. The challenge being Derek didn't seem to know how to live with another person. Karen on the other hand, enjoyed domesticity and quickly grew tired of takeout and the maid.

_3 weeks ago_

"You did what?" Derek's arms went across his chest and his stance widened, clearly ready for a fight.

Karen shrugged, "I sent Theresa home. I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when she came in anyway." Taking a seat on the barstool at the counter, she started picking imaginary lint from the bottom of her shirt. He may rule his rehearsals with an iron fist, but they weren't at rehearsal, they were at home, his home... crap. Well he'd just have to make some adjustments, he's the one that insisted she stay. His star.

His apartment. His star. His rehearsals. His. His. His. She wanted to stomp her foot, but wouldn't allow such a childish display, unless _his_ foot happened to be near enough.

"She's employed by me. She's taken care of this place for five years. I won't have you dismissing my employees." Derek's brow furrowed. He wanted to be mad, if anyone else had pulled something like this he'd be furious. Ivy, for example. However, she would be more likely to dismiss the maid over some sort of misplaced jealousy. Karen on the other hand, had been cleaning the place herself. And he couldn't ignore the feminine touches that had cropped up around his house in the last seven days. His lip started to quirk upward, which he quickly turned to a scowl to cover his own pleasure.

"All I said was that her services wouldn't be needed for the time being and you'd call her when they were. Unless she did more than polish the silver around here."

Derek scoffed. "Darling, she wasn't even that good."

Karen laughed, relieved.

_Present_

Derek took another step closer to Karen, caught himself and went to the bar, rubbing his head. It had been a trying day, all he wanted was some scotch, the couch and maybe dinner. He sniffed the air discreetly; smelled like shepherd's pie. _I could get used to this. I already am. _Derek was at a loss for how she managed to work the often grueling hours of rehearsal, her coffeehouse shifts - which were becoming less frequent, and still come home and cook and enjoy doing it. Even if supper was at 11 p.m.

Derek would admit within that first week he didn't think his foolhardy suggestion Karen stay at his place would work out, he didn't like sharing his space and despite what he knew she thought, Derek didn't do this because she was his star, he just wanted to make sure she would be okay, but now he found himself hoping she wouldn't leave at all. Which scared him. Desire he could handle. These new sentiments left him at a loss. Wanting to see her at night, despite the fact they worked all day together, talk to her about... anything really, wanting to know what she thought and how she felt; all while knowing she wouldn't end up in his bed.

It was a bit thrilling actually, there was no trying, Derek could just be. He enjoyed the weekend mornings when he would find her in the kitchen. He liked the occasional sweater tossed over the stair railing. Derek felt like there was a purpose in coming home now. _Perhaps because nowadays it felt like a home._

"So the meeting didn't go well?"

Breaking out of his reverie, Derek scowled pouring his scotch. "Not quite as I'd hoped, but nothing to worry about. Eileen's working on it." Downing the glass, he continued, "Tom's pushing for some unnecessary changes to a couple numbers and Julia can't seem to piece together a coherent story. We spent the last three hours arguing, a complete waste of the afternoon, if you ask me. So be ready for the return of your tyrannical director tomorrow."

"I didn't know he left."

Derek's brows popped up and he let out a chuckle. "Is that so?" He grabbed a towel from the counter, Karen seeing what he was about jumped down and ran to the other side with Derek close on her heels. He chased her through the living room and around the stairs until the timer went off in the kitchen and she called a ceasefire.

His mirth faded somewhat as he watched her at the oven, realizing the only games he was used to playing were in the bedroom. Yet, chasing this young woman around his apartment gave him quite a lot of pleasure. And he wanted more.

His face darkened, he needed another scotch. Derek could feel himself changing and damned if there wasn't a thing he could do to stop it. Not that he wanted to, if it meant Karen was in his life. He wondered if she realized he hadn't even went out since she moved in, apart from business dinners. He wondered why it mattered so much that she notice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Rather grumpily Derek found himself settling into a new tranquil way of life. He spent most of his nights now watching movies, listening to music or -much to his chagrin-soap operas. Derek did not understand the appeal, wasn't there enough drama in the theater? Still he sat slumped on the couch, arms across his chest, absorbed in the dramas, mostly mocking them. He seemed to be getting something resembling a personal life again.

It had been a long time since work didn't come home with him; his notes and mini stages scattered about the apartment. In fact, lately they seemed to have made their way into the unused office, where he now gravitated to work.

Meanwhile, Karen was busy trying to make sense of their newfound relationship. She enjoyed the friendship they had been building, but couldn't deny her thoughts rested in a more tender direction with each passing day and she was coming to regard Derek's apartment and Derek himself with the feelings of home. It felt natural being here with him.

Occasionally she fantasized about doing a repeat 'Happy Birthday' performance as a way of declaring herself, but didn't have the gumption to be so bold again. _What if he rejected me this time?_

Karen sat in a taxi contemplating where her self-confidence in her personal life had fled, when she made the realization that she didn't want to be the next Ivy in Derek's life. She didn't want to be the next, the latest or the current, she wanted to be the one, if she was going to be anything at all. _Like hell I'll ever tell him that. _

"Ms. Cartwright. Thank you for deigning us with your presence." Derek's sarcasm rang through the studio_. Maybe I should start looking for my own place again. _Karen's grim thought propelled her to the back of the room.

"What's up Iowa? Late three times in one week, that's not like you." Jessica said.

Bobby butted in with his best British accent. "Mr. Wills does not tolerate his talent being tardy." Back to himself, "I'm pretty sure if you were dead, he'd still complain that you didn't make it to rehearsal on time."

They all laughed at the truth in that. He'd likely see it as a mere inconvenience.

"I couldn't find my bag this morning, when I finally did I had to run to the train station, just missed it and had to get a taxi." Karen glared at her bag, she was sure she left it on the stairs before bed. Her glower strayed toward the great and powerful director. He sat shuffling through the days notes. _He had to have moved it, but confronting him now would do nothing but provide fodder for the chorus tabbies, friends though they may be._

"Let's get to work people. Enough time has been wasted." Derek diverted his gaze from Karen, knowing he'd find a scowl on that gorgeous face. She was late, so what if it was his fault...all three times. "We're going to work on the blocking for 'The Right Regrets' today. Karen, if you please." He motioned her to the front. Once Derek explained what he wanted from her, he went to explain his direction to their Arthur Miller.

The setup was pretty simple. Marilyn and Arthur in his office on stage left with her wandering around behind Arthur, who's facing the crowd, while scenes from their life play out on stage right.

Following lunch Derek changed some of the '20th Century Fox Mambo' choreography and after three more run-throughs, he called, "That's a wrap for today. Good work people." Applause exploded. Messenger bag over his shoulder, Derek half turned on his way out, "I said good, not great."

Derek smiled to himself, it had been a productive day. Minus the late star. He was just trying to prove a point with that in the best way he knew how... strategic maneuvering. It was a small thing really, just moving her bag and taking her phone -which she used as an alarm-twice. Karen was starting to frustrate Derek with her refusal to go in to work with him.

Normally he wouldn't care, but it ate away almost two hours of her day taking the train from home, and consequently time with him. He still didn't know where her friends thought she was living, when she went out with them she usually stayed at one of their places because it took too long to get back to his.

* * *

Karen walked into the apartment and sat her purse on the kitchen counter, eyeing the bag of takeout. Looking to the living room she found it empty, so she went to the office, peeking around the door.

"Hey."

Derek muttered a distracted, "Hi."

"You do know there's a fridge full of leftovers, right?" Karen walked around the desk to look at the set he was staring at. "Don't like 'The Right Regrets' staging?"

"Something feels off. Did you have a good time with Bobby and Jessica?" Derek swiveled in his chair to face her. He would be damned to say he ordered out because she wasn't home. Home. He increasing thought of Karen and home as being synonymous with each other.

"Yeah, Bobby did his rendition of 'I Would Do Anything For Love.' I wish you'd have been there, his facial expressions were priceless." She laughed at the memory. "Anyway, are you going to tell me why you keep taking my things? It's rather childish don't you think?" Karen quirked a brow.

"How was I to know you'd be late? It's not like we live together."

She glared."Do you know what your problem is Derek?"

"I wager the same as yours."

"Stubbornness." Came from both.

They grinned at each other.

"I'm just trying to help. If you don't want to go in with me, at least let me call you a separate car. There is no need to waste so much of your day, to avoid what, people knowing that you're living with the director?"

"You know what they'll will say."

"That you're my star." _And sleeping with me._ But articulating that thought wouldn't work in his favor. His past indiscretions were starting to haunt him.

Karen raised her eyebrow."When Ivy was Marilyn, she didn't get a car." She winced. _Ivy didn't get a car, she got Derek. _

"When Ivy was Marilyn we hadn't even had a preview yet. Now we are on our way to Broadway, that merits some special treatment." Derek knew Karen and Ivy had struck a sort of strained truce, but they'd never be true friends because they'd always be in competition.

"Karen, you do know Ivy isn't a threat to you, right? Professionally or personally. Not anymore." Derek turned back to the miniature set, uncertain of what else to say without revealing something he wasn't ready to.

"Even though I've forgiven her and moved past it, there's always going to be mistrust and a part of me that wonders... I know you respect her creative eye, but I wonder... if there's always going to be something more there with you two? And what happens if your next star needs special "handling"?" _I won't be another Ivy._ Repeating that to herself seemed to be the only way Karen could control her feelings.

Derek's face looked grim, he preferred to overlook Rebecca's existence. "I wish that particular lesson hadn't come at Ivy's expense, but I learned a valuable lesson. And she and I will always be friends, at least in a professional capacity, I respect her greatly." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his chin, "I was an abominable arse to Ivy, I admit that, but I like to believe I'm changing. I am truly sorry I hurt her, but she knew as well as I that our relationship wasn't going anywhere. So there's no need to be jealous."

"I'm not." Karen turned on her heel and walked into the kitchen. Derek followed like the lovesick fool he was.

_Bollocks._ He really was a chorus boy.

"Clever way to work out my feelings on the matter. Are you sure you're not? My ego is in need of a boost these days." That got a chuckle from her.

Sometimes Derek wondered if this could go on indefinitely. Coming so close to the truth, but always dancing away. Karen tilted her head studying him, with a bashful smile she said, "Thank you, Derek."

Deciding to sidestep back to their earlier conversation he said, "As for transportation Ms. Cartwright , you will be accompanying me to the studio in the morning. Maybe you could even enlighten your friends as to where you're living and why." With that Derek went back into his office, leaving Karen in the kitchen, mouth slightly agape. If there was one thing Derek detested it was pretense and this charade was going to come to an end... soon. _She's mine now._ And he wanted everyone to know it.

* * *

_Coming in Chapter 3: Derek actually fending off someone's advances. A jealous Karen._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Getting home from another needless meeting with Eileen, Tom and Julia, Derek settled next to Karen on the couch, lolling his head back as he stretched his arms over the back, "Wasn't so bad today, was it, darling?"

That morning Derek had ushered Karen into the studio with his arm lightly around her middle to find it occupied only by Linda, Jessica and Bobby. Linda smiled her hello's and got to work with Derek on the days schedule. Derek, however, kept a covert eye on the huddled threesome by the window and didn't miss a blush stolen across Karen's cheeks. A ribbing from that lot about 'The Big Bad Wills' was to be expected. They'd probably think less was going on if he shagged her right there against the mirrors. He quirked a brow toward said mirror, _why hadn't I thought of that before? _He mused.

Still, she didn't want to be ridiculed and he was trying to respect that. Difficult for a man who didn't give a shite what people thought.

"You were right. I shouldn't have made a big deal about it. Besides, Bobby's already got a bet going on when we'll be living together." Tossing him an amused grin.

"Not long, I reckon." He smirked and let his fingers dance lightly across Karen's shoulder, pleased when a shiver ran through her. Clearing his throat, Derek said, "We have a function for Bombshell tonight with investors. We're to be at Gramercy Tavern at 7:30 to meet Eileen. No singing, just some flirting... the Marilyn persona. They just need to be reassured we've got the right Marilyn and their money won't be for naught." Derek got up and leaned back down to kiss her temple, "Something stunning will do. I'll be back to pick you up at 6:45, some errands I need to run."

* * *

Checking his watch for the fourth time, Derek sighed irritably resting his palms on the counter. "We don't have all bloody night." He said just loud enough it'd carry up the stairs.

A few minutes later he heard a thump from above, turning Derek's breath caught at the vision coming down the steps. It didn't matter that she was halfway to falling on her head, pulling her heels on while slinking down to the landing, she was a magnificent vision. Karen knew how to follow a directive.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry."

Derek tried to gather his wits about him, "S-S'all right." Witless.

She was wearing a lavender pink chiffon satin dress, with a dangerously plunging neckline and barely there back; ending just below the knee. Her brunette locks were coiffed in a Marilyn-esque curl with the length lending her a little bit to Norma Jean.

Derek brought her fingers to his mouth for a light kiss, "Absolutely ravishing."

Karen's lilting laugh and accompanying blush were all he needed. He wondered if in ten years time and Broadway at her feet, she'd still do that, would he be the one causing it?

In his black tux and white dress shirt, with two buttons customarily undone at the collar, Karen reached up to brush out the wrinkles at his shoulders purring out, "Not so bad yourself."

* * *

"About time you joined us." Eileen ushered Derek and Karen into the fray of guests. "For those of you who don't know this is Karen Cartwright, Bombshell's Marilyn Monroe. We couldn't be more pleased with her performance and preview audiences reception. Watch out, you're looking at the next big thing."

Eileen mingled through the crowd, shepherding Karen into conversations to help alleviate any remaining concerns before their trip to Broadway. Eileen had to admit, Karen was a knockout, she couldn't have given a better performance than if she were on stage and she needed little help wooing the worrisome group.

Meanwhile, Derek stayed close to the bar unless absolutely necessary, gaze fixed on Karen throughout the night as she mingled about the room, ready to jump in should any of the power hungry decide to take any liberties. She was strictly hands off to them as far as he was concerned, be damned if she could take care of herself.

Conversely, several women (two of whom he had an explicit history) did not seem to get the 'hands off' vibe about him, trying to chat him up at various times, without any success. He had his eye on the prize.

"Haven't seen you for a while."

Derek groaned into his glass, he knew that voice. Pasting on a pleasant smile he turned, "Fran, how nice to see you."

"I've been thinking about you a lot lately; miss seeing you out and about." She smiled coyly.

"How flattering." Said Derek dryly.

Trailing her index finger lightly along his forearm, she squeezed his elbow, "My place isn't far, we could go back, have a drink..." running her hand up to his shoulder and around his neck, she pressed herself against him.

Derek swished his drink around in front of her, raising his brows. Was this really all it took before?

He wasn't in the mood. A few months ago, he wouldn't have given a second thought, he'd have been back before anyone would notice his absence, but he didn't have it in him to be that man anymore.

Trying to disengage Fran from his person, Derek felt a presence behind him, turning slightly he was greeted by the sight of a tight lipped Karen.

"I've been looking for you." Karen had tried throughout the night to stamp out her jealousy watching the women come on to Derek. She felt some satisfaction seeing each of them turned away, however, she couldn't be sure if it was because of any feelings he had for her or the copious amounts of alcohol he consumed and his misguided notion she needed taken care of.

Either way when this one got handsy, Karen had had enough and decided to put an end to the night.

"You've found me, what are you going to do with me?" Derek leaned into Karen's side, with a rather daft grin.

Sliding her arm through his, she threw an icy smile at Fran, then returned her attention to Derek, placing a kiss on his scruffy cheek, "I'm taking you home."

Derek's eyebrows rose in amused surprise at that little territorial display. Perhaps not the outright claim he would have liked, but it would do for now. "Oh, nowhere else I'd rather be taken with you love." He allowed Karen to steer him toward Eileen for their goodbyes; hoping to feel her hot breath on his neck again, it was the most action he'd had in months, gods he felt like a schoolboy.

"One of your former chippies?" Karen asked lightly. She couldn't help herself, the barb just slipped out.

"No." He grabbed another glass off the tray of a passing waiter. "Not that one anyway." He mumbled, sipping his scotch as they walked, to avoid looking at her.

Karen rolled her eyes. "Of course."

Derek scoffed, the light mood from a moment ago vanished and in no mood for more pretense, he bit out, "Contrary to popular opinion, I do know how to keep it zipped. Forgive me if I had a few shitty years and drowned my sorrows in women and scotch. Not in that order." He was gripped by sudden irrationality. "You're sure as hell not perfect either." He cringed. _Maybe I should write a book, how not to woo a woman? _

She reared back causing Derek to stumble sideways."Excuse me? I'm not the one who cheated on Ivy. "

"Oh great, we're back to this again." His accent became more pronounced the more irritated he became. "Bloody hell, you're never going to let that go are you?"

"Well what am I suppose to think? You have a knack for getting "your" talent into bed." She jeered.

"In case it has somehow escaped your notice, I haven't slept with you." _Yet._ Which aggravated him more, "You know what your problem is? You want to be safe, all the time. You stayed with that wanker until you had a reason to leave him. I watched you be miserable for months, but you didn't have the guts to end it, until you found out he slept with someone else." He took another swig of scotch, "That's what galls you isn't it? We both had Ivy."

The accusation hit Karen as acutely as if he'd physically struck her.

"You think she's better than you, you always have. You're too nice. You've mooned over her voice the way I - Damn it Karen, stop being so blind!" Derek fairly roared. Looking around the room he groaned and downed the rest of the glass, stalking off.

Karen clenched her fists at her sides, struggling to keep her composure. She didn't know what to say. Ivy was a big reason she tried to keep Derek at arm's length, which tended to be difficult living with the man. She had already been with one man who bailed when things got tough, she wasn't going for an encore.

However, despite his past indiscretions, Karen hadn't been able to ignore Derek's apparent self-imposed reformation. She could kick herself, instead of stamping down her jealousy, she threw his past in his face to protect herself. Derek was so right. She would rather be safe.

Karen found Eileen and apologized for Derek's outburst, claiming fault. Eileen knowing Derek too well, brushed it off and bid her goodnight with a request to tell Derek to meet at her office in the morning. She nodded and went straight to the exit. The car was already waiting, door hung open with Derek sitting on the far side.

Sighing she climbed in and they left.

The 20 minute drive home couldn't have been more arctic if they were in the middle of a blizzard. They both sat looking out their respective windows, Derek with occasional alcohol induced grumbling about women and ruination.

Walking into the apartment Karen kicked off her heels and mumbled, "I'm going to bed."

Derek grimaced, "Yes, you do that." He wasn't sure if it was their argument or the booze that started the jack hammering in his head, but he knew one thing, bed was too far away. So he dumped himself on the couch, jacket only half off before he was gone to the world.

* * *

Karen was surprised the next morning to find Derek at the kitchen sink with liquor bottles lined up. Unsure of where they stood she waited at the counter for him to notice her presence.

It didn't take long.

Pouring another bottle down the drain, Derek turned with a half-smile in greeting. "Don't look so astonished, last night warrants saying goodbye to my old friends. The wine is staying though."

Her brows scrunched together, "Derek..."

"If you wouldn't have fired Theresa -"

"Laid off." Karen interrupted.

Derek persisted on, "Fired." Sighing he set the near empty bottle down and turned toward her leaning against the sink for support, it was too late for banter, "We need to talk about last night, I know."

"I'm moving out."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I am so sorry this hasn't been updated for a while. I got disenchanted with the show, but I've reached a good place with everything that's happened and want to properly finish this story, which I love. This is more of an intermediate chapter. Thanks for reading! _

**Chapter 4**

"You what? No, you're not."

Derek pushed himself off the counter to stand in front of her. She'd damn well look him in the eye if she said that again.

"Karen don't be daft. We had an argument, a rather ugly one, but not enough to go packing it in." He rubbed his hands over his face, aggravated and exhausted. This was not how he expected the morning to start. Some frost between them, yes. All out forfeit, no bloody way.

"Look you were right about me. I play it safe. I've stayed here because it's safe."

Stepping closer to her Derek clarified, "You're confusing what I said. You knew that relationship wasn't working, yet you stayed. This... this is working. And you know as well as I do you aren't here because you're playing it safe. In fact, there's nothing safe about being here with me and you know it."

Cautiously wrapping his arm around her waist, Derek pulled Karen to him, "We've been ignoring what's between us far too long, love."

Karen gazed into his eyes, slightly terrified by the shift. There would be no going back after this, but isn't that what she wanted?

Giving in, Karen closed her eyes in time to feel the soft caress of his lips molding to hers. Derek's tentative touch warmed her heart, allowing Karen to give in and wrap her arms around Derek's neck, nipping at his bottom lip. When he let out a low groan, Karen smiled into his mouth, making him laugh.

Pulling back, he smiled at the coy flush stealing over her features. "Didn't think a kiss could make me feel that way again."

"What way?"

Relishing in the feeling of her embrace, Derek touched his forehead to Karen's. "I suddenly feel like a school boy."

Pecking his lips once more, Karen moved away, as Derek tried to reel her back in by the hem of her shirt. "Then I should leave you wanting more."

"Darling, you always do."


End file.
